


Her

by BlackCarnation



Category: Original Work
Genre: Teen for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25438000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackCarnation/pseuds/BlackCarnation
Summary: A small series of short stories and poems I made to express my feelings about the girl I've been pining over for 6 years. I add to it occasionally.





	1. Her - 1

May 20 2020  
The way her brunette locks fell around her face. Her plump lips, slightly chewed, curved into a genuine smile. The crinkle at the corners of her blue eyes, shining bright in the moonlight, the stars twinkling overhead. And there she was, laughing. She seemed so happy, so alive, and all I knew was this was it. It was her. She is the woman I’m meant to be with, forever and always and until the end of my life. But, even then, I knew the feelings weren’t reciprocated. She didn’t look at me like I looked at her, or get stung by the occasional jokingly rude statement like I did. She talked about girls like they were magic and, in that moment, I knew why. I felt the same way about her as she did about girls. And, damned if I did, damned if I didn’t, I was going to spend the rest of my days as her closest friend and furthest lover, watching on the sidelines as she settled down with a respectable woman and a few animals, a nice house, and a perfect heart. And, while she did that, I’d settle with another, someone kind, but watch her from afar with a wound in my soul as someone held her like I never could. Everything would go numb, my soul would be incomplete, but I’d still smile like her life depended on it and I promised myself to never cry a tear at the thought of losing her. Because, damned if I did and damned if I didn’t, she would always be the one for me, in life and death, and love and birth, and until I rest on my deathbed. And then, something magical happened. She had turned to me and looked at me with those ocean eyes, gazing at me with awe and wonder and all I could do was let tears run down my face. Because I was here, with her, and I’d never felt happiness like I did when she looked upon my face. She embraced me, a worried embrace, but an embrace none-the-less, and she said to me "What’s wrong?" and time stopped. The world froze as I sat in her arms. And, in that moment, I realized I’d never be content with a mere friendship between her and I. I’d never be able to look at her differently. I’d never be able to see her the way she sees me and, one time and one time only, I broke my promise to myself. I wept like I never had before, ugly sobs ripping from my throat at the thought of being incomplete. At the thought of losing my soulmate before we ever had the chance to properly try. At the thought of the world hating me so much as to set my destiny with a person who not only didn’t like me, but found herself captivated by the opposite gender of myself. At the thought of being the absolute paradoxical of who she could see her future with. And I wept, what felt like hours I wept. But she stayed, holding me in her arms and telling me "It’s okay, I’m right here." I stopped my gutural sobs and replaced it with laughter, sickened laughter, and apologized as fluently as I could, balling her shirt up in my fists. "It’s okay, I’m right here." And, yes, perhaps she was right there. She was, but she would never be. Not in the way I wanted her, pure and pretty and perfection beyond no other. And then, my anguished crying stopped. We sat, hugging, for a moment longer, before she pulled away, a distant look in her eye and, as if to sense the disgusting thoughts in my head, she speaks again. "It’s late," she says, "we should get going." she says. And so she stands, staring out at the stars once more, before turning on her heel and setting foot towards the car. It hurts. Every bone in my body is begging me to open my trembling lips and tell her to wait. To stay and listen to how I feel. But, in replace of those words, a regretful "Okay." is the only thing to be said. And, in that moment, I hoped she had read The Fault in our Stars, and knew that the single okay meant a word I had not spoken, merely thought. Always.


	2. Her - 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A second chapter. I didn't review this one at all.

29 July 2020  
As I lay beside her, my thumb unconsciously slides against the fair skin of her cheek. She nuzzles closer to the touch as she sleeps, a gentle hum of content echoing in the still room. I followed the break in vocal silence with a sigh, eyes flicking around in the darkness of the cold bedroom out of nervous habit. Snuggling deeper into the covers, I avert my wandering eyes to her face, a placid canvas. The music pounded on quietly in the background. I closed my eyes for a brief moment with an irritated huff before speaking to her sleeping figure. "Y'know," the room fell back into near silence for what felt like hours. "Y'know, I like you. A lot. Like, a lot a lot." I paused, sighing irritably once again, "And- Yeah, I know, you don't want a relationship! I know, okay, I just- I just- I've wanted you for- fuck- what- 6 years? I've liked you since the day I met you! And, I know, I blew it! But there's so much I haven't done with you yet, y'know? I just- I want to be able to kiss you." My normal speaking voice slipped into a low whisper, "And I- I want to hold hands and go on dates and- and I think about that time on our college-search trip when I was upset and you- y'know you- um- the whole leg twining thing was really- it was really sweet, y'know? I just want- I want that! I want us, y'know?" Her eyelids fluttered and I recoiled my hand as if burned, flipping over hastily and burying into the blanket. "Hmm?" came her groggy voice, her slumber interrupted, "Alex?" I refused to speak, hoping only for her to return to sleep. After a few soft pokes to my arm, she hummed and rustled back into a sleeping position. Seconds passed into minutes before I dared to move again. "Goodnight, R-" I paused, "Goodnight." Drifting off into sleep left an uncomfortable ache in my chest.


	3. Her - 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little poem I wrote 5 minutes ago as we Skype.

2 August 2020

_The ache of the morning_

_And soothing of night_

_Brings all of my feelings_

_To insufferable light_

_She lay at my bedside_

_Snoozing so soundly_

_As my heart continues_

_It’s beating and pounding_

_I tell her my stories_

_As she draws in the dark_

_And imagine us kissing_

_Beneath big bright stars_

_So I sit here and write this_

_As I speak with her now_

_And after the night ends_

_I’ll cry_


	4. Her - 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another poem I just wrote.

2 August 2020

_ Sweet _

_ Mellow _

_ A touch of fire _

_ Her voice _

_ It changes _

_ Like seasons and rain _

_ Rough _

_ Silky _

_ As the seven seas _

_ And when _

_ She cries _

_ It sounds so dire _

_ Fluffy _

_ Dense _

_ A cute little laugh _

_ She lights _

_ My soul _

_ Like a forest alight _

_ Small _

_ Big _

_ I adore her dearly _

_ And there _

_ She stands _

_ Her _


End file.
